“Donut Doug”

Tybee Island, GA. --- Every now and then in your life you come across someone that you just know instanteously is going to be a friend.

Someone who you realize shares instinctively similar values for God and Country, believes that most politicians are simply out to feather their own nests, and who likes dogs and guns.

So it was with Doug Bailey. Doug was a good ole East Tennessee born and reared fellow with a pleasant smile and a soft voice.

I briefly met Doug the first time in a horrible snow storm one Christmas when he delivered his sister-in-law Marilyn King for me to pick up at a convenience market near Clarksville so we could share Christmas together.

Marilyn and I go back to our days at Murray State University and for some reason she is another of those friends I have never lost contact with over the last four decades.

Marilyn’s sister Carole married Doug and like she said she knew he was a good fellow when he didn’t run screaming from her house one night when her poodle Jasmine peed all over him --- Doug I am sure saw it much like I would --- he was being marked.

Doug like many of us had had a practice marriage or two. So had Carole. So when the two of them settled in with Carole’s two dogs it was not without careful thought. I have never seen two more compatible and happy people wed.

I met Doug when Carole and Marilyn were making the final plans for their Mother’s funeral. I officiated and gave the eulogy for Mrs. Louella King. Doug was most kind in his comments about the eulogy, however, that is not what made us friends.

Following the funeral Marilyn, Carole and Doug had to do what all children must. They had to make arrangements to settle the Mrs. King’s estate. Now, many spouses especially good ole boys from the South might have shunned any responsibility for this. Not Doug.

Doug had been there every step of the way with the slow decline of Mrs. King supporting her, Carole and Marilyn. Never once did I ever hear him complain, grumble or question the proceedings. Many son-in laws would have become difficult to be around in those circumstances but not Doug.

Doug and I got along so famously I think because he and I were similar in many ways.

He was an only child of parents of humble origins. He liked to read most anything but especially for fun Dean Koontz and magazines about guns. He liked guns and shooting them and he believed an armed society was a polite society. He liked Coast-to-Coast radio late at night and thinking about the esoteric side of life.

He liked people and watching them and getting to know them. He liked helping people especially those less fortunate. He liked to eat good steak and have a cold beer.

He was conservative in his politics and believed there was a right and a wrong and that our country was worth fighting and dying for.

He was patient, kind and considerate to those especially in need of attention. He was gentle and yet firm. He was the kind of guy that you could trust your back to and never doubt it was well protected.

He was funny and witty.

He was good to his wife and attentive to her.

He believed in a God and that John Wayne, Elvis Presley and President Ronald Reagan were national heroes.

Doug Bailey was the kind of person that if I were looking for a friend I could not have found one better. Sadly though Doug two years ago this December parted this world.

Doug liked to drive fast. So do I, although I confess at 57 I have slowed down a lot. One rainy December evening enroute to work he failed to negotiate a rain slicked curve on I-440 and Doug joined many of our heroes that had gone before.

I was asked and honored to deliver Doug's eulogy. This is what I spoke about when I delivered his eulogy. Perhaps some of these words will resonate with you this Christmas season and you will truly find love, peace and grace as yoiu reflect on these thoughts.

The great writer Somerset Maugham once wrote, that ‘The great tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love.’

Doug Bailey never ceased to love, of that I am sure.

Everyone that came to know Doug knew him as a “Gentle Giant” of a man with a heart as big as they come. A heart that surely even in his final moments on this earth was filled with the love of life, family and friends.

Doug loved his Mom and Dad, his wife Carole, his sister in law Marilyn and each of his friends gathered here – he loved his job with an all consuming passion.

Now, how you say do I know this?

Well, when it comes to Carole let’s simply review the circumstances under which he won her heart --- 10 years ago this time of year --- in 1996 --- with one of the worst snowfalls the city had ever seen on the ground Carole and Doug were to have their first date --- Carole received a call from Doug -- she was certain that he would cancel after all – she lived in Madison – he in Laverne – they had really only talked a few times and she did live at the top of a very steep hill – yet as the time for the date approached with no relief in site for the weather when Doug called he simply confirmed the time he would pick her up – now Marilyn had felt so bad for her – fearing she would spend her birthday alone had sent her flowers – yet the day and time arrived and so did Doug – he was driving a new rented Jeep Cherokee geared to 4-wheel drive --- that was Doug --- dependable, responsible and true to his word – something that we would all learn that we could depend upon ---

Some of you will suggest that this was the sign of true love.

But this is the rest of the story --- shortly after this date one evening Carole invites Doug into her home to meet her beloved children --- two charming and cuddly poodles --- Jasmine and Black Jack – and when Doug gets seated and comfortable – Black Jack jumps up and proceeds too “mark his territory” on Doug’s pants – yes you heard me right --- now I am pretty sure we know how most men would have reacted --- most men certainly would have not reacted the way Doug did – but you see most men were not Doug – he later told everyone that he knew right then and there that the children were just christening their new Dad --- and as you know Carole -- he loved Jasmine and Black Jack just like they were his own children -

You can tell much about the character of a man by the way they treat animals and children and how they speak of their country, show respect for their flag and their work --- and how they speak of their wife and their mother-in-law ---

As many of you have attested Doug always spoke with great fondness of Carole when at work and remarked of how fortunate he was --- he told many of us – since he had had two practice marriages – that the third time was certainly charmed --- and if you were ever around the two of them you could tell from the way they interacted and spoke to each other that they loved and cherished one another ---

Carole and Marilyn’s Mother – Miss Louell King was equally adored by Doug --- during her extended illness he was always available to assist and help in anyway to care and comfort her, Carole and Marilyn --- he and Miss Louell shared common interests --- a sweet tooth and movies --- and he thought so much of her in fact he even agreed to care for her sickly and aging poodle “Misty” after Miss Louell passed away --- as you know when Doug made a commitment he would always fulfill it /// a valuable lesson that I am sure was taught by his parents –-- now Misty was an aging old soul herself ---blind and incontinent one day Doug went to the garage to check on her and in frustration he kicked not Misty but her bedding --- later he would tell his own Mother --- Miss Shirley that he was certain that he had received a ghostly and swift kick in the butt that day –

Miss Louell surely watched over him then and I am certain greeted him with open and loving arms when he arrived the other night

Doug was one of those sensitive souls that knew just how much a Mother can mean to their daughters --- he was there for them with never a question asked or a complaint given during those days of illness --- it was in fact at Miss Louell’s funeral that I came to truly know Doug and began to cherish and love himself myself ---

Many of you may not know this but Doug has always had a healthy respect for law enforcement --- he began to show that respect early on in his life --- it seems that around age 16 or so that Mr. Bailey had bought and helped him soup up a 1972 Grand Prix (car shopping was something he and his Dad had in common) – Mr. Bailey said he found out only later that the car with its new carburetor would do about 130 – in fact it ran so good that one night as Doug was being chased by the Knoxville PD he felt badly enough about the fact they couldn’t catch him that he actually stopped and waited for them to catch up --- now after being detained and taken to the jail he pleaded with the officers not to arrest him because most assuredly his dad would not bail him out --- after a stern lecture he was released --- and so his love of law enforcement began

Speaking of cars and trucks --- We all know that Doug loved his cars and trucks almost or maybe even as much as he loved his guns and his wife – his favorite car / Mr. Bailey says growing up / was a 1969 Yellow 396 Chevelle --- but whatever car or truck it was – it was Doug’s way all the way – his vehicles were always immaculate, clean inside and out – he was always buying, selling or trading – it was part of his East Tennessee heritage and one that he exercised all his life

Doug was a big reader --- all of his life --- in fact, around the 4th grade or so it seems that his Mom received a call from the principal of his school wondering when Doug was returning --- knowing full well that she and Mr. Bailey thought he was in school she called his Dad and they crept home --- he would later say that he knew he was in big trouble when he heard the high heels on the stairs --- sure enough Doug had --- how do we say gotten bored with school and would slip back home each day after his parents left --- and there he was curled up in bed with his cat and a book

Yep. our friend Doug was a reader, a researcher, a purveyor of knowledge -- if you know Dean Koontz you knew Doug’s favorite author --- yet Doug read lots of stuff – he satisfied his curiosities by reading and researching --- want to know about Human Growth Hormones or the best work out routine --- Doug was your man --- want to know the best ammo for a Glock or how to clean it in the upper tray of your dishwasher --- look no further than Doug--- want to discuss the latest conspiracy theories on 911, UFOs or psychic phenomena – pull up a chair and talk to any depth you wish – in past days Doug might have been called a Renaissance man – frankly I always thought he was just one of the most inquisitive students of human nature that I have ever had the privilege too know

Doug Bailey could do anything – absolutely anything he set his mind to –-- think about it --- at age 46 he chucks his corporate job --– goes to the Academy and fortunately ends up at Vanderbilt University working eventually on the psy detail

When Doug set out to build his body strength, take off weight, shoot a perfect round at the range, or calm down a recalcitrant psych patient there were few that could match his tenacity

So today I want us to remember Doug Bailey in many different ways, the ways that so many of you shared with me the past two evenings --- so how shall we remember this friend, son, husband and officer?

Let us remember Doug as a man of great conviction --- he agonized over his change in career yet he found his great passion in life and he made it come true --- I admire and respect him greatly for that --- and all of us are benefactors of his pursuit of excellence

Let us remember him as truly a Gentle Giant of a Man yet one who could and would turn on his assertiveness and aggressiveness only when all other avenues had been exhausted ---

Doug was a philsopher and often came out with pithy sayings, "An armed society, he would, say is a polite society"

Let us remember Doug as one whom we would trust our back to under any circumstance because we knew it was covered by the best

Let us remember him as a fellow traveler on this road of humanity that along with Miss Louell had a sweet tooth and always preferred to choose his own goodies - in fact he often signed his emails to me always self deprecatingly --- Donut Doug

Let us remember Doug as a man that was brought up right with the best of southern values, beliefs and principles --- he was taught by his parents to show and give respect and in return he earned it - he understood and practiced integrity

Let us remember him as humble man with great insight and wisdom for his age that set about with his good nature, humor and intelligence to make things easier for the rest of us and that would today hope that we come closer together as friends and colleagues as the result of his life well lived by example

Let us remember Doug as the officer that by humanizing a situation could sweet talk and then waltz a recalcitrant little old lady into the back of a squad car for transport

Let us remember him as one who wore his “Thunderware” with great pride (and for those of you who don't know what “Thundewear” is see me after the services) and that could buy, sell, trade and talk guns as long as you were interested

Let us remember Doug as an officer that could find humor in most anything and share it at just the right time and in the right tone to make life better for all of us even if it was just for a minute

Let us remember this Gentle Giant of a man as one who was proud to be a called SWAG --- a SWAG --- “A Social Worker with a Gun” – a kind, caring and compassionate soul that would often size up a situation with a homeless person and many times in the end give him his last $5

Let us remember Doug as a friend who understood what was truly real and what was transitory in our world – a self-deprecating and self—effacing person who effectively directed attention to others to help them grow themselves into better people

And let us not forget Doug Bailey was a man of opinions based on strong principles and values --- a conservative fellow -- some might say to the right of Attilla the Hun --- I would say simply a man of deeply held convictions bore from a life of experience

Doug knew there was good and bad in this world – that there was right and wrong --- and that the highest calling was to protect and serve

Let us remember him as a soft-spoken, gentle hearted fellow that always knew what to say and when to say it and that always gave wonderful loving hugs to his friends and family.

I miss you Doug Bailey I truly do.

Until next time,

Dr. Darryl
L. Darryl Armstrong
www.ARMSTRONGandassociates.org

Thoughts on the passing of a Father

Tybee Island, GA. --- “Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice.”

Mr. Charlie Maxwell died Saturday November 24th. He was in my estimation the only Father I knew that had a truly remarkable relationship with one of his son --- my friend and “brother” Bob Maxwell.

I’ve known Bob since 1973 when I met him and his wife Marcia at a trade show in Nashville, Tenn. In those days they ran Sportsman’s One Stop at the entrance to Land Between The Lakes where I worked. Over the subsequent 35 years I got to know Bob and all his family and refer to him as a truly a “brother I never had.”

Bob and Marcia’s daughters treat us like aunts and uncles and Mr. Charlie, well Mr. Charlie always treated me like just a part of his extended family. Yet, I digress from the point I wish to make.

Charlie Maxwell was a member of this country’s “Greatest Generation.” While others of his age went to war, it was people like Mr. Charlie that helped develop and deploy the atomic bomb in Oak Ridge, Tenn., which brought the war to closure.

As an instrument technician, Mr. Charlie became widely known in the circles for his work and was affiliated for 50-years with his instrument and controls professional society. In fact, the people at Oak Ridge National Laboratory, where I worked from 1990 thru 1994 remembered Mr. Charlie as much for his easy-going Southern manners as his expertise.

There are some people you meet in your life that just by being around them you gain much insight and knowledge. Mr. Charlie was such a person. He was one of those unique Fathers in my estimation that was easy to be with and understood that children learn through example. He was a teacher in the best sense of the word and simply by knowing him I learned much by watching him live his life.

Charlie Maxwell was one of those unique people who was spiritual not by dogma but by living. His church was the woods and fields. His passions were hunting and fishing and golf for that matter. He was as comfortable communion with his God and Nature on the lakes as he was in the woods in a deer or turkey blind. At 90-years old he was still hunting and taking turkey and deer. He learned to shoot a cross bow this past year and was looking forward to trying it out.

Never one to give up, a valuable and honored trait of the Greatest Generation, Mr. Charlie was diagnosed 18-years ago with pancreatic cancer and for all practical purposes should have left us almost two decades ago. Not so with Mr. Charlie.

Always a strong fighter for what he wanted and believed in as evidenced by his “holding his on” until Bob and Marcia celebrated their 40th anniversary this past October, he defied all odds and gave us a gift of his presence until this past weekend.

Charlie Maxwell I believe was equally a unique person when it came to the relationship with his son Bob. Of this relationship, I must confess, I was envious.

Bob and Mr. Charlie genuinely enjoyed being around one another and doing things together whether that was hunting, fishing, fixing something or just breaking bread and having a good meal. Now as one who never had such a relationship with their Father that was special in my eyes. It is a memory from the deer camp days and an image that I will always cherish. Bob and Mr. Charlie can be proud of such a relationship since it is truly uncommon in today’s society.

Mr. Maxwell always had a firm handshake and a smile for me. He was always soft-spoken and made you feel comfortable. I already miss that.

And when I think of his life and what I knew of it, I believe that the words from a Jimmy Buffett song most appropriately describes the life of Mr. Charlie as I knew it looking in: Some of life was magic, some of life was tragic, but I had a good life always.”

Rest in peace Mr. Charlie and May God bless all your family as they deal with the loss of such a dear person.

Until next time.

Porter Wagoner dead at age 80

When I was a child my parents tuned into the Porter Wagoner Show every evening at 6:30 p.m. on Channel 6 in Paducah, Ky. We sat in front of a black and white Zenith and listened to him and Dolly Parton sing their country music. Well, Mr. Porter has died at age 80. He had lung cancer and spent his final days in a hospice.

There were those who didn’t much care for his twangy voice and rhinestone outfits, however, I was a fan. Maybe it was because I saw people like Porter Wagoner through the eyes of a child that came to believe that if you worked hard enough you could succeed at anything. Like so many that have now left us --- Hank Williams, String Bean, Grandpa Jones, Johnny Cash, Ray Acuff and Minnie Pearl --- each one brought me a special memory and each had their own story that inspired ole country boys born on the wrong side of the tracks like me.

I can’t sing, play an instrument or even dance very well so I never aspired to be a country music star. I tried to take other lost highways to success.

But I liked their music and their humor. Their songs and lyrics resonated in my heart and soul and touched me.

Porter Wagoner loved his friends, fans and family. If there were any doubt his friend’s visit this past weekend would put that to rest:

Country singer and Opry member Dierks Bentley visited Wagoner in the hospice over the weekend and said Wagoner led them in prayer, thanking God for his friends, his family and the Grand Ole Opry.

Rest in peace Mr. Porter Wagoner. You have earned the right to sing in the heavenly choir.

Until next time.

Dr. Darryl
L. Darryl Armstrong
ARMSTRONG and Associates

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