From Tranquilla II on the Back of Eddy Creek on Lake Barkley --- Someone usually asks me about this time of the year: “Why do you shave your head?” "Are you taking chemo?" "Or, geez you are going bald aren't you?"
Well, the explanation as to why this time of the year I have a bald head is sort of simple and then again not.
A few years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer my dear-sainted Mother was still living. She had suffered through the passing of my Dad who initially had had colon, then lung, and then brain cancer. She had seen him go through the horrible radiation and chemo treatments and he had, of course, lost his hair. My Dad always had a fine mane of hair and it was one of those traits that my Mother did indeed like about him. My Mother even tried to get my hair to groom like my Dad’s when I was little --- I can remember her putting a silk stocking on my hair after she would wash it and comb it to try and make it lay in the manner she wanted it to lay.
My Father’s Mother when she died in her 90s still had natural jet-black hair, a trait that my Dad had inherited and my Mother liked. So, hair you see was important to my Mom and I suspect even more so because she always had a hard time with her hair and fixing it just right.
Well, after seeing my Mother suffer through all the treatments with my Dad and the consequences of those treatments including losing his hair, I told Kay at that time that if I ever had to have such treatments I would never want my Mother to overtly know that. If you have not figured this out we were big on secrets in my family.
So, the first time I shaved my head was really to deceive my Mother in anticipation that I might have to have chemo or radiation treatments. I was fortunate in that I didn’t have to have either. I simply told her that I had some friends going through chemo and radiation and I was shaving my head to empathize with their plight, which also was partly true as well as I did have a friend who needed such encouragement.
However, I have always let my hair grow out somewhat in the winter time even when I went to Tybee this past year. Yet, when summer comes along and we start talking about Relay for Life and I see my fellow survivors some of whom are going through the bald ordeal I figure the least I can do is shave my head and show my empathy for them.
At one time I was very vain about my hair. Hell, I was pretty vain period. Caryle Simon was probably thinking of me when she wrote "You Are So Vain." I was not only vain, I was also conceited, egotistical, terribly young and immature, very stupid about lots of things, and very confused about life and relationships.
And also like many of us I thought I was invincible. I was wrong on all those points.
Well, I have worked on the vanity piece I suppose and I try and work daily on all the other faults --- some of which I still need help on but I take it one day at a time.
The good news is I grew up and learned a lot in the past 30 years of living and seeing life, people suffering and all the heartaches that go with it.
Shaving my head makes me stop and think about a lot of those past days, the many mistakes and all the regrets and shaving my head has become a Zen sort of thing in that it makes me slow down and take the time to do it right --- one of the few things in my life that maybe I do get right.
And so, now you know. That is the rest of the story of the old bald head.
Love, peace and grace and goodnight Mrs. Calabash wherever you are ...
Dr. Darryl
No comments:
Post a Comment